Son stomping down the hall. Striking out with flashes of frustration, jabs of discontent, bolts of anger.  The safe target…mom.  Here are snippets from these times: my son’s words plus the truths I am learning to tell myself.   He does not hear my words. The truths are there to nurture and care for me.

I am a Good Mom

You don’t care about me.
I listen as you pour out your heart
over and over again.
I ache for you.
I am a Good Mom.

You’re selfish.
You will never know the hard choices
I have made to be here for you
and to provide for you.
I am a Good Mom.

You don’t buy me what I want.
I know things
will not fill that
deep dark hole
inside of you.
I am a Good Mom.

Supper stinks!
I took time to cook
from scratch
so your body and mind
are nourished.
I am a Good Mom.

You’re too controlling.
I hold back and bite my tongue
more than you will ever know
so you can spread your wings.
I am a Good Mom.

I wish I was dead.
My heart would break.
I would grieve
long, deep, hard.
I am a Good Mom.

You are a horrible mother.
I will not give up on you.
My love will shine through
even when I feel done.
I am a Good Mom.

Hug.
I am glad to wrap my arms around you
and to hold you close to my heart.
I am a Good Mom

NO!!!!!! I am an AMAZING MOM!! O, YES, I AM!!!
Being single moms to our struggling, special needs teens feels pretty thankless and hopeless at times.  It is so important to listen and empathize but not internalize. When we hear the hurtful words we need to bathe ourselves in the truth of what we really do and who we really are.  We certainly aren’t perfect and we definitely make mistakes. That does not take away from the fact that we are doing the best we can with the knowledge and resources we have.
Be kind to yourself.  Do not let your child’s wild swinging emotions suck you in. Hear the child. Empathize with the child. Speak truth to yourself.  Feel that truth to your core. You have got this!  You are an AMAZING MOM!